The next day or so I was browsing Facebook and saw someone I went to college with posting about a mom she had seen in a grocery store. The mom was with a young child and the child apparently was flipping out in the grocery. This person (who shall remain nameless) stated, "Why can't parents control their kids? This kid is flipping out in the grocery store and the mom is just ignoring it. Why should innocent people be subjected to her bad parenting? Just drop your cart and take your kid home."
I chose to keep my mouth closed and simply defriend this person from college (whom I don't really remember) rather than write a scathing comment probably saying things like, "You don't know her situation. At least she isn't rewarding the bad behavior. When you leave the store you get to go back to you childless life and she has to go home with an angry child. Leave her alone." But this situation got me thinking, I know there are lists floating around the internet about what people with no children wish they could say to parents. However, upon consulting the googles, there are very few things that parents wish they could say to their childless friends (probably because they are exhausted). So I decided to look at our life and come up with a list of things that I have wished I could say to my childless friends.
Let me preface this list and say that most of these things should be taken with a grain (or two) of salt. I am aware that their are exceptions to everything and although some of these statements have scrolled through my mind others were simply thought to be funny (I know that I am rarely funny and have been told to not to quit my day job when telling a joke). I hope my parent friends out there can laugh at a few of these and I hope my childless friends know that I love them and wouldn't trade their spot in our lives for anyone else. "I love you just they way you are." Billy Joel? Anyone? See I told you I wasn't funny.
Things you wish you could say to your friends without
children:
1.
No, I didn’t see the latest episode of <insert
popular show here>. By the time the
kiddo is down for bed and I clean up the mess from him being awake all day, I
have about 15 minutes before I pass out.
2.
Yes, I realize that talking to me on the phone
is like talking to someone with multiple personalities “Yeah, we can meet for
lunch on… No No No, don’t you dare put that in your mouth… does Wednesday
work?”
3.
Don’t treat my kid like a parrot. “Hey let’s see
if he’ll repeat this.” The answer is yes, he will say what you tell him to say
(every 45 seconds for the next 3 days). Thank you very much.
4.
I don’t want to hear how tired you are… ever.
5.
Don’t compare your pet to my child. It’s not the
same level of responsibility. You can put your “fur baby” in crate and go out
to eat at a nice restaurant. Doing that to a child is frowned upon.
6.
Stopping by to “just say hi” disrupts our whole
day.
7.
No, I’m not a control freak but you aren’t the
one who has to deal with a two year old who doesn’t know how to emotionally
handle a messed up routine.
8.
My child is a growing human being, not a social
psychology experiment. Don’t do things to him just to, “see what happens”.
9.
Getting parenting advice from you is like seeking prostate health information from a butcher.
10.
My child makes my life complete. I am a better
person because of him. I created another human being and am teaching him to
become a productive member of society. What are you doing with your life?*
*No, I don't think you are wasting your life if you don't have kids.
